"You cannot practice love with someone you don’t love..."

An anonymous, true story from the walls of The Strangers Project.

Transcription

“remove the ‘I want you to like me’ sticker from your forehead and place it on the mirror, where it belongs.” – SJ

This is my fifth time @ The Strangers Project. Last time I wrote wrote about wanting to take the guy I liked & was talking to here. Maybe I didn’t cross my fingers tightly enough… I could write about him (like I was planning to) but this space is mine. His loss for not coming here with me 😶 I don’t know how to get close to a person romantically.

I have many, many amazing & lovely friends. I know how to love. I’ve been practicing vulnerability & gotten better at conversing with others 1-on-1 & not just in a group setting. I learned to hold grace & empathy for both others & myself (I think?)

I’ve improved my self esteem & have been feeling good about myself :) But the idea of pursuing or being pursued romantically scares me. Last year, around this time, someone I liked really, really liked me too. But I got scared!! I pushed him away. Then another guy I didn’t really like came along. But he didn’t like me that much either. I thought it was perfect! Two people who don’t like each other that much 🙂 (it sounds so silly in hindsight)

I learned a lot about myself during the 6 months I spent with him. And I learned even more after ending things with him. #1: I did not love myself. I put up with so many things I shouldn’t have because I liked him more than I liked me & I didn’t even like him that much.

#2 You cannot practice love with someone you don’t love. Sounds silly but my goal & purpose for that relationship was to learn how to love. But after this most recent guy, I realized those 6 months with my ex did not in any way prepare me for this.

#3: I CAN LOVE MYSELF SO MUCH BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE CAN! 💛

(But it would be nice if I could unstick this thing off my forehead & put it on the mirror once & for all.)